Why Indiana Jones is Irrelevant to Raiders of the Lost Ark

Why Indiana Jones is Irrelevant to Raiders of the Lost Ark

Some of you may have already heard this theory or seen it on The Big Bang Theory, but if you haven't, here's what it is: the end result of Raiders of the Lost Ark would have been the same even if Indiana Jones wasn't involved: Nazis find Ark. Nazis open Ark. Nazis die. What's that you say? "But Indiana this and Indiana that" Nope. Not having it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE RotLA with it's chases, punches that sound like gunshots, one-liners and that classic John Williams score, but that still doesn't change the theory. So let's take a look at this theory more in-depth:

The first time this comes into play is in Nepal at Marion's bar. The Nazis were going to show up regardless of if Indiana was there or not. They knew Marion had the medallion because they had been searching for her father Abner Ravenwood who they find out is dead so logically the next step is to go after his daughter. If Indiana doesn't show up, there is no fight, the medallion doesn't fall in the fire and the Nazis and Thot don't just end up with a sweet brand on his palm: 

You might want to put some aloe vera on that bro.

You might want to put some aloe vera on that bro.

Which in turn looks like this:

Moisturizer dude, moisturizer

Moisturizer dude, moisturizer

So the Nazis now have the medallion and can read both sides instead of just the one on Thot's palm. So therefore they end up digging where Indy and Salah dig instead, depriving us of one of the coolest silhouette shots in cinematic history:

Right before the guy on the far right hit an underground gas line

Right before the guy on the far right hit an underground gas line

Okay where were we, oh yeah. So the Nazis dig here, they find the chamber with all the snakes, they burn them all and rappel down and take the Ark. They put it on the plane and take it to the island in the Mediterranean like they had already planned and we are never left to wonder how Indiana survives the trip strapped on top of the submarine other than hoping they never submerge. 

Okay so now we are on the island and the Nazis are going to take the Ark to their spot and open it, all Jones does here is delay them by a few minutes while he yells out a hollow threat to blow up the Ark, so again, not necessary to him to be here. The Nazis open the Ark, everyone's faces melt like they're at a Pantera concert, and the cameras recording it are destroyed. The ONLY change is that the Ark just stays there instead of being locked up in the coolest warehouse I've wanted to explore since I first saw the movie when I was 8 years old...although I am curious how Indiana got it off that island.

So there you have it, Indiana Jones is not actually relevant to the plot other than causing the movie to be longer than the 20-30 minutes it would have been if he wasn't in it. 

Thoughts on this theory? That's what the comments are for.

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